


It's The Terror Of Knowing What This World Is About

by anxietycheesecake



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alpha Aziraphale (Good Omens), Alpha Gabriel (Good Omens), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Also Gabriel is sort of a older brother for Aziraphale but clearly wants more, Alternate Universe - Human, As in suppressants and non consensual hormonization, As in unethical and manipulating and criminal, Aziraphale being an alpha doesn't match Gabriel's fantasy, Bottom Crowley (Good Omens), Dark, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gabriel and Sandalphon are bad doctors, Gaslighting, Injections, M/M, Manipulation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Needles, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Omega Crowley (Good Omens), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Top Aziraphale (Good Omens), title might change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:34:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxietycheesecake/pseuds/anxietycheesecake
Summary: Aziraphale and Gabriel were raised together by the same mother, and since she died and the first proved to be a late bloomer, Gabriel promised he would look after him for the rest of their lives. The thing is... Aziraphale doesn't need him to look after him. Aziraphale is an alpha and Gabriel will do everything he can for him not to find out.Crowley is a lawyer. The thing is... omegas aren't really allowed to be lawyers. Crowley is also an omega and he will do everything he can to keep his job.Both Crowley and Aziraphale are living a lie. A lie that has been consistently hidden for years. Will they be able to keep it like that now that their paths are intertwined?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 55
Kudos: 152





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, such a weird thing we have here. I worked so hard on this one and I hope it meets your expectations. I'm also working on my other fics, btw, bitches are just being difficult. This is definitely darker, so I'm really trying my best to give it some sort of quality. Also, English is not my first language and I'm too lazy both to find a beta-reader and create good titles. Special thanks to the Food Omens server for being so helpful and encouraging with this piece <3
> 
> Warning for this chapter: needles, irresponsible doctors and a small reference to unethical experimentation. Gabriel and Sandalphon go to jail challenge.

The thing Aziraphale hated the most about being an omega was the injections, but he had already learned to deal with them. After decades of weekly shots, it felt almost like a ritual. Gabriel made him rest his head on a pillow and gently caressed his hair as he administrated the dose. No matter how many times Aziraphale insisted that he didn’t have to do that, that he wasn’t a child anymore, the process remained unalterable.

Despite his best efforts to act like an adult, there was some sort of comfort in the way they did it. It reminded him of her.

Miss Fell wasn’t nearly this protective. In fact, she could be quite distant. But Aziraphale didn’t doubt for a second that she loved them both. She loved him. She took him under her wing when no one else wanted him and committed her whole life to look after this boy who wasn’t even his son. Aziraphale would be forever grateful that he found her.

And he should be grateful to have found Gabriel, too. A different family would have abandoned him to his luck as soon as he turned eighteen without a sign of a second gender. God knows they didn’t always have money and some months were like going through Hell. Aziraphale was, after all, another mouth to feed; that ignoring his special needs.

Now money wasn’t a problem anymore and Gabriel worked all day so Aziraphale wouldn’t have to put himself at risk, but he still took the time to help him through his health issues. He still spent a fortune trying to make Aziraphale half as normal as he was expected to be.

So he could deal with the humiliation of being vaccinated like a little kid every week. He had to. Because if it wasn’t for those injections, he might have been dead since a very long time ago.

Dr. Sandalphon was a different story. While Gabriel was caring and sweet, he was harsh and unforgiving. He came once a month to see how Aziraphale was doing, but this particular time he was there to give him an extra shot.

It was awful. He didn’t even go slowly, he didn’t even ask him to ease his muscles so it wouldn’t hurt. He didn’t care if it hurt, as if it was part of a twisted medical punishment.

The worst part, however, was how Gabriel had to face the consequences of his failure, too. Every time the balding man looked at his brother —he didn’t use that word in real life because Gabriel hated it, but still called him that in his mind— like that, Aziraphale wished he could disappear from his life. It’d be a lot easier for everyone.

“Well, this should help,” the doctor announced, finally putting the needle away. “Care to tell me again what happened?”

Aziraphale looked down, biting his lower lip, tears already burning his eyes.

“Well?” Gabriel pressured him, arms crossed. “Do you want me to tell him?”

Aziraphale didn’t reply and Gabriel turned at Sandalphon, exasperated.

“He left the flat.”

“I just went downstairs for a minute!” Aziraphale said. “I… It was such a nice day. We don’t have a weather like this often, so I figured I might—”

“Go outside and flirt with the neighbour,” Gabriel completed. “Great, that makes it all better.”

“I wasn’t flirting with her, we were just talking! I don’t even like—”

“And that’s why she was asking you to take her out and you passed out on the stairs.”

“I already told you, I have no idea what happened! As far as I know Madame Tracy is an omega too…”

“But you’re not an omega yet,” Sandalphon reminded him, earning a strange look from Gabriel. “Aziraphale, you need to realize this: you’re being hormonized to induce you an incredibly late presentation. You can’t go outside and risk having your first heat out in the open.”

“Also, remember, omegas start bonding after they present,” Gabriel added.

“Exactly. Even the most superficial contact with an already developed omega could compromise your own development.”

“And you’ve come so far, Sunshine. You’re almost there.”

“The analysis already recognize you as an omega; now your body needs to catch up.”

Aziraphale closed his mouth, processing the lecture he got at least once a month.

“Wouldn’t it be wise to ask for a second opinion at this point?” He questioned.

Gabriel frowned.

“Sunshine, you’ve been getting semi-annual checks for years now, and they all say you’re an omega.”

“I know… I mean…” He licked his lips, incapable of finishing the sentence.

Gabriel gasped as if he had confessed an unforgivable sin.

“Aziraphale, Dr. Sandalphon here have been helping this family since the beginning of all this, and he had never done anything to disappoint us. I’m a witness of his professionalism and—”

“It’s okay, Gabriel,” Sandalphon interrupted, a small smile on his face. “I completely understand your concerns, Aziraphale, and I want to tell you you’re not wrong. I have in fact consulted with several doctors on this matter and recurred to all kind of technology and methods to determine your second gender. Everything suggests—”

“May I talk to them personally?”

Sandalphon thought it over and shook his head.

“I don’t think it’s the responsible thing to do.” Before Aziraphale could pout, he recovered his reassuring grin. “But there are also good news. Your natural production of hormones is changing, that’s probably the reason why you passed out and why you should remain inside your domicile.”

“Does that mean…?” Aziraphale’s face lighted up.

“You might present soon. You could have your first heat at any moment.”

Oh, what a bittersweet joy it brought him to know that. On the one hand, it meant it wouldn’t be long before he could go out. Once he presented and knew exactly when to take his suppressants, once he figured the way his body behaved and how suppressants affected it, he wouldn’t have to hide anymore. He could even go to college if he wanted to.

On the other, the whole heat thing seemed scary and distressing. Aziraphale knew what a hard time unmated omegas had during their heats. Fever, pain, discomfort… There were meds to control it, but some heats were so strong it didn’t matter.

And would he want an alpha to mate him after all the horror stories he had heard? Sometimes —most times— it felt like Gabriel was the only trustworthy alpha in the world. Maybe he was. Oh, why did he worry so much? Of course Gabriel would be there to help him. He had always been there. Still…

“Well, I should go,” Sandalphon concluded, and said to Gabriel: “He’ll be alright, just make sure he takes the pill. If he passes out again, give him another shot, but only if it’s necessary.”

Gabriel guided the doctor outside and Aziraphale let himself down on the bed, exhaling all the air caught in his lungs. He would be alright…

* * *

“Is it true?” Gabriel whispered downstairs, opening the door. “Are things… changing?”

Sandalphon stared at him with an expression between concerned and offended.

“What do you think?”

Gabriel sighed.

“You can’t go on with this. Not if the situation keeps going out of hand.”

“It’s not my fault he left the flat! I have to work and—”

“You talk like a child who got caught with the biscuit jar. You know what you have up there?” He pointed at the stairs. “An alpha who is about to hit puberty in his late-forties and whose hormones are trying to murder each other as we speak. That is a recipe for disaster. That is a time bomb, and when it finally explodes, it will blow you up.”

“Well, it hasn’t exploded in over twenty years,” Gabriel replied, crossing his arms over his chest again. “And what do you mean it will blow _me_ up? It’ll blow both of us up, if it ever explodes.”

“Yeah, that’s another thing I wanted to talk about. Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t keep putting my career at risk for your twisted family dramas.”

“What in Heaven are you talking about now?”

“I’m talking about stealing hormonal doses from the hospital just to keep your… to keep an alpha under unnecessary control, to prevent an alpha from presenting, to change someone’s second gender without their consent. I… We could get in serious trouble, do you realize that?”

“We’ll get in even more trouble if I just tell him the truth.”

“This is not about the truth or the trouble that comes with the truth. You really… you think you can change him.”

“He _is_ changing.”

“Gabriel, he passed out in the damn hallway because of the smell of an omega… and he isn’t even attracted to her. How is that changing?”

Gabriel didn’t answer.

“And aren’t you having an alpha over… tomorrow?”

“Well, yes, the lawyer. But how does that—?”

“Are you really asking me this question? He’s about to snap, he’s already talking back to us, and you expect him to tolerate a strange alpha in his own house?”

“You’re blowing this out of proportion. I tolerate other alphas all the time.”

“You’re on a proper suppressant diet. He’s been having suppressants daily before his first rut for years. He could be developing immunity, you can’t be sure he—”

“He won’t even meet the man, I already took care of it. Believe me, he’s so terrified of any alpha who isn’t me he won’t even show his face in the living room.”

Sandalphon’s eyebrows insisted on his disagreement.

“All I’m saying…”

“You’re saying an awful lot for a beta,” Gabriel completed, his voice acquiring a disturbing subtext. “Or for someone with such a dirty secret.”

The shorter man gulped.

“I’m not…” He cleared his throat. “I’m not the only one who’s got a secret.”

A little grin reached Gabriel’s lips.

“Absolutely, that’s why we share such a wonderful friendship. I don’t hold you accountable for some old… morally questionable sacrifices in the name of science, and you… you help me protect my family, hm?”

Sandalphon nodded, resigned. He couldn’t do anything else.

“Just keep him away from omegas.”

“You’re a good friend,” Gabriel told him before he turned around to the exit. “And I’m not planning to let any omega come near him.”

* * *

“Oh, the poor girl must be going through a lot,” the lady behind the counter said with a saddened expression.

Crowley stopped his frenetic grabbing of the items he had bought and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Your mate?” she smiled confusedly. “This is the third time you come here in a week and… you’re taking ten boxes of suppressants.”

Her voice softened in a rather obvious way as her explanation prolonged. Crowley both hated and loved this part of being an ‘alpha.’ People getting intimidated by him during a trial was more than helpful, but outside the workplace it was just plain annoying to ask everyone to repeat themselves because he couldn’t hear them. Alphas did have a more developed hearing, after all.

“Oh, yeah,” he confirmed once he understood. “She’s in agony. Pure torture, what she’s going through. My mate is… a really suffering omega.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that, sir.” She searched behind the counter and revealed a chocolate bar. “Here, on the house. This should help her feel a bit better.”

Crowley stared at the bar and then at the lady, hesitating. Then he accepted the gift more dramatic than anything.

“You’re a life saviour,” he nodded. That usually worked in films.

He thanked her again and rushed to the door, legs semi-crossed like he had to go to the restroom. Well, he probably should, but stepping into the alphas’ restroom would be worse than just having his heat right there, out in the street.

The sound of the Bentley’s door closing was like a chorus of angels. He pushed the pedal as he opened one of the boxes and swallowed three pills at once. After that, he threw it inside the compartment and tapped that miraculous name in his phone.

“Crowley?” her voice reached him.

“Anathema, yes, hello, I need your help. My arse is having feelings again.”

Anathema sighed.

“I already told you omegas can be tops t—”

“Well, definitely not this one. Now do something about it.”

“What do you want me to…? Are you driving?”

“And eating chocolate, apparently.”

“Crowley, that’s like three tasks at the same time, you’re going to run someone over!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault, you know what they say about omegas. I happen to be the kind who can’t drive.”

“That’s not about… You can’t exactly cook, either.”

“But I’m good at maths.”

“Sometimes.”

Crowley was ready to reply, but she interrupted him, tired.

“Just watch the road for once in your life.”

“Ugh, don’t get all alpha-y with me now. I can’t take it.”

“I thought you had it under control.”

“So I thought, but then my hormones said ‘hey, what if we try to kill you?’ and I’m on my third box of suppressants as we speak.”

“That’s extremely irresponsible.”

“And yet you could end it all, by doing this one thing for me.”

Anathema groaned.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why? You have… _ngh_ lots of volunteers.”

“But they’re not here for you. They’re mate-less alpha who want to help mate-less omegas who have extremely painful heats to go through them. It’s a very noble thing to do, not something you can take advantage of.”

“But I’m a mate-less omega going through—”

“No, Crowley, no. What you are is a liar. I have several omegas here who need an alpha more badly than you and I won’t let them alone on this just because you can’t say the truth.”

“Oh, yes, that’s so selfish of me, not wanting to lose my bloody job.”

“Besides, having a one-time alpha would only make it worse when you don’t have one anymore. You can’t just go back to where you were after that. Your instincts will go crazy and you’ll no longer be able to control them, even when not in heat.”

Crowley nodded despite the fact she couldn’t see him.

“You’re right, I’m just… desperate, and not only on my bottom half.”

“I know,” she said softly. “And I really wish I could help you. If I didn’t have Newt…”

“Oh, don’t even finish that sentence, for Satan’s sake. You’re a child.”

“And you’re in pain… Listen, this is already so dangerous. Can’t you just ask for a free week and stay at home? I’ll make Newton bring you anything you need and—”

“Can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“’Cause I already took too many days and I’m on thin ice. I’m also heading to this guy’s home to tell him about some inheritance he had no clue about and it’s—”

“Crowley, seriously? Your suppressants are failing and you’re going to some stranger’s house? Alone?”

“Ngk, don’t worry, I’ve got everything figured out. The man is an omega, I investigated it and there’s no doubt. He won’t harm me.”

“Do you really think an omega would let an unknown alpha into his home without protection?”

“If he has protection, it’ll probably be his mate. His mate won’t touch me.”

Anathema remained in uncomfortable silence.

“Trust me on this,” Crowley insisted. “I’m not planning to let any alpha come near me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the worst thing I've ever written? Maybe, but I'm too tired to fix it. Let's hope the next one turns out better and, as always, thank you so much for your nice comments. Your comments give me life.
> 
> Slight trigger warning because Crowley spends the whole chapter worrying that the alpha he's talking with will get horny and attack him.

Crowley didn’t take conscience of his mistake until he sat on the couch at Fell’s flat. The moment his body hit the cushions, a smell so strong yet so subtle invaded his nostrils and almost made him jump. Luckily for him, Fell was distracted, pouring some liquid in a glass at the small bar with his back at him.

“Oh, where are my manners?” he said suddenly. “Would you like a Scotch?”

“Any nationality will do at this point,” Crowley mumbled.

“Excuse me?”

“No, thank you.”

Fell sat on the chair in front of him, raising a new cloud of the numbing essence. Crowley bit the inside of his cheek as hard as he could. This didn’t make any sense. Every single document identified Fell as an omega.

Well, now it was too late to regret it. If he didn’t continue with the meeting, if he failed at just one thing, everything would be revealed and he’d lose his job, that assuming jail wasn’t a possible consequence. Law School didn’t allow omega students and even though he was deeply against that discrimination, having such a hard time with a potential client who wasn’t even meant to be an alpha didn’t do a lot for his cause. Ugh, it was already done.

“So,” he started, focusing on the speech. “I wanted to talk to you about a… hidden clause, it seems, on your mother’s will.” He opened his briefcase and spread the papers over the coffee table. “Now, as you can see right here, there’s a property that wasn’t on the original testament. I believe…”

“Oh, I don’t really see how that’s possible,” Fell cut him off, polite yet firm. “The testament was revised several times by…” He seemed to think it over. “There’s no such thing as a hidden clause or a secret property. I would know.”

Crowley blinked, mind working as fast as it could go in his current estate. The way the other man acted so confident on what he believed was the truth made it even harder to focus and contradict him.

“Uh, yeah… Well, actually…”

_I was thinking your lawyer at the time could have lied. I was thinking you could sue them. Come on, it isn’t that difficult…_

“But, look here, it’s a great opportunity. Business-wise, I mean.”

Fell frowned in furtive interest.

“It’s a bookshop in Soho, not too far from here. It’s in a good place, lots of space, several rare books that might be considerably worthier than this house, and…”

“A great deal, I get it.”

“Well, yes, but here’s the thing… Your mother established very clearly that she expects you to run it just the way it is for at least six months.”

“Oh…” Fell’s voice didn’t sound surprised or excited at all.

Crowley was starting to sweat again. He kept thinking that if he could make him look away just once more, he could have another pill and everything would go away. However, this was more important. He had him right where he wanted him. As soon as he properly informed him about the clause, three things could happen:

1) He’d appreciate his honesty and ask him to be his permanent lawyer.

2) He’d take the bookshop and need legal help to take care of it —he knew Fell was completely ignorant about law, if his upbringing was indicative of something—.

3) He’d reject the deal and ask for his help to get rid of it.

Any possible turn could earn Crowley a new client. An omega client who wouldn’t suspect a thing. A client he could be safe around. At least that was what he thought until he actually met the guy.

_Calm down. He’s an omega… he’s an omega…_

“Alright…” Fell nodded. “I don’t want it.”

Crowley shook his head in confusion.

“I thought you’d be glad,” he commented. He couldn’t care less if Fell didn’t want the damn bookshop, but he had to put on an act before giving him other options. “Her will mentioned you were a bibliophile and that she wished for you to be independent so…” He cleared his throat. “I don’t want to overstep, of course.”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Fell corrected. “My… Aziraphale is the bibliophile.”

Crowley looked at him, head titling.

“I’m… I’m sorry, I thought you were Aziraphale Fell?”

Fell? chuckled.

“No, I’m her son.”

“Right… Aziraphale…” Crowley stopped to think. “Oh, you mean the older one. Her older son.”

“Her only son.”

Although the older Fell’s expression was a permanent smile, there was a dark undertone in it that made Crowley feel weird around him. Now everything was so clear. The man was an alpha all the time.

Being aware of the fact he was alone in a house that wasn’t his own with an unknown alpha almost made him panic. He was used to spend lots of time with lots of alphas at work, but with his suppressants failing, all guarantee of the guy not attacking him disappeared.

He wanted to run away. He wanted to forget about the testament and the potential deal and the omega client… but he couldn’t. If the real Fell was an omega, this could be the easiest way out of several risky situations at work. With his heat warnings becoming increasingly serious every time, he had to try it. He had to…

“I need to talk to Aziraphale Fell.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“He’s very sick. He’s getting an extremely complicated health treatment and he passed out yesterday. He can’t—”

“Well, I certainly feel better now,” a voice came from the hallway.

Crowley’s head turned automatically. Right at the door that lead to which could only be the bedrooms, stood a man. Not any man; an _omega_. Someone like him, someone who understood his fears, someone his brother’s wouldn’t dare to do anything in front of. He was safe. He was…

“Hello,” Aziraphale gave him a warm smile.

He was passed out on the couch.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your nice comments! It is so beautiful to see how much you're enjoying this story. I should warn you I'm posting this chapter without any kind of previous revision, so I apologize for any mistake. College's been fucking me without lube and I assure you the pain won't let me sit down and write, even when I have time. That metaphor is better than anything in this chapter for the exact same reason. The plot keeps getting more intrincate and it's so hard to keep track of all the shit the characters are feeling at the same time, and who knows what. I accidentally wrote half this chapter as if Crowley knew Aziraphale was an alpha because of that lol  
> Enjoy!

Aziraphale had never seen a person passing out. He didn’t even see the times it happened to Miss Fell, as her illness slowly pushed her towards death. He always thought that, if he ever did see it, he would scream or jump or run around looking for help. But now that it was happening right in front of his eyes, the only thing he could do was freeze.

“Oh, no!” he exclaimed once he could talk, barely a few seconds later.

His reaction was instinctive after that. He ran towards the stranger, his fear and a feeling he couldn’t quite grasp forcing him to forget about prudence. Fortunately, Gabriel was there to remind him.

“Stay back!” he yelled.

Aziraphale managed to stop, though it wasn’t easy.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay in your room? Didn’t I tell you it was dangerous for you to be here?”

Aziraphale nodded shamefully. Something wasn’t right, he could sense it. Gabriel’s reprimand sounded too authoritative, almost scared. Usually, he would call him out on his behaviour in a quiet voice, trying to make him reason why what he did was irresponsible. Then, when Sandalphon arrived —if his presence was needed—, Gabriel would move to a passive-aggressive ground where he made sure Aziraphale understood, as if humiliation was an inherent consequence of his recklessness.

This wasn’t quiet nor passive-aggressive. It was desperate, terrified. Aziraphale’s smell sense wasn’t as developed as it should be, but he did have the ability to sense Gabriel’s confusion. The thing is… he didn’t showed any sign of confusion most times. So seeing it there, absolutely puzzled, calculating secret formulas inside his head, felt extremely wrong.

However, nothing made him as uncomfortable as the alpha lying unconscious on their couch. Gabriel had mentioned he would have a lawyer over for a mysterious problem he didn’t want to give any details about. Omegas weren’t supposed to deal with those things, anyway. The point was that he was required to stay at his room for his own safety and he didn’t obey.

“I’m so sorry… I thought… I thought I heard him… say my name?”

Gabriel huffed.

“And why would he ever want to talk about you?”

He shook his head and circled the couch, grabbing the man’s feet to put them on the couch. Aziraphale had to fight back the impulse of stopping him. Better said, the impulse of breaking his own brother’s jaw just for daring to touch this person whose name he didn’t even know.

“I’ll have to go get my things to give him a check,” Gabriel sighed, heading to the hallway.

“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary,” Aziraphale commented, looking at the lawyer with frowned eyebrows. “He might… wake up naturally.”

“Right… go back to your room and let me take care of this. If he wakes up ‘naturally’ and you’re here… God knows what he might do to you.”

Gabriel disappeared in the hallway, clicking his tongue.

Aziraphale would have followed him. He should have. But he could bring himself to do what his mind knew was the right thing. He couldn’t leave this poor thing alone.

Poor thing… An alpha! An alpha who was almost not aware of his existence at all, whose hormones might turn him into a beast any second. This man was not a ‘poor thing’ and Aziraphale realized it. And he still got closer.

Just one step at first. Then another. The third time he checked, he was on his knees in front of the couch, in front of his face. Despite himself, he couldn’t help but smile at how peaceful he looked, wishing his whole life would be like this —which was beyond nonsensical, since the man was clearly unhealthy—.

But even more melting than the image, was the smell. Again, Aziraphale wasn’t as sensitive to scents as most people who fell in the alpha-omega spectrum. He was almost like a beta, with a few exceptions —Gabriel rarely smelt threatening or insecure, but when he did, Aziraphale noticed—. However, he was indeed sensitive to his particular scent.

It was rustic, like something from the forest. Even though it couldn’t be more different from those things, it reminded him of sweets and old books, making him like it almost automatically. Oh, he wanted to be impossibly closer, he wanted to put his nose against his neck and inhale. He wouldn’t, of course, but…

“What the fuck?!” The lawyer suddenly sat up, screaming.

Aziraphale also yelled a poorly contained ‘fuck!’, jumping backwards, covering his mouth at the instant.

“Oh, my, dear, are you okay? What—” He gave it a second thought and backed away as far as the coffee table would allow. “I shall warn you, sir, my brother will come back in a matter of seconds.”

The lawyer rubbed his head.

“Ngk, that was a thing.” He looked at Aziraphale. “Now what in Hell was all that about?”

He put his feet down, sitting properly, and Aziraphale tried to warn him to go slow. For his own safety, obviously. He had to make time for Gabriel to come back.

“You passed out, d—… sir. But do not worry. Gabriel is a great doctor and I’m sure he’ll…”

“Wait, wait, are you… A. Z. Fell?”

Aziraphale doubted.

“Um… Yes, that should be me. Please call me Aziraphale.”

“Crowley, just… Just Crowley, please.”

He extended his hand and Aziraphale hesitated before taking it. As soon as they palms made contact, a feeling only comparable with being electrocuted shook them both. Crowley would have passed out if Aziraphale hadn’t been alert enough to let go in time.

_Didn’t he read something about that in a biology book back in middle school…?_

“Alright, no touching, no touching,” Crowley said, moving his hand as if to say ‘nobody’s dead.’

_Was that how it was supposed to feel?_

“So you did want to talk about me,” Aziraphale inferred.

It wasn’t worthy trying to figure out why he felt that way around an alpha. After all, it _was_ how it was supposed to feel. At this moment, he only wanted to know what was the reason for a lawyer’s visit. And if Gabriel wouldn’t tell him…

“Um, yeah, here’s the thing,” Crowley started, reaching out for the documents spread over the table.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” a voice came and Aziraphale felt his heart sink. Gabriel stared at him. “What did I tell you, Sunshine?”

“B-but Mr. Crowley said it did have something to do with…”

“Answer the question.”

Aziraphale looked down.

“You told me to go to my room.”

“Which you didn’t do.”

“What did you expect me to do? I couldn’t leave him on his own! He could have—”

“I could have managed it, Aziraphale!” He didn’t raise his tone, but the hurt in his voice said it all. “I’m a health professional and I can’t have you risking yourself to protect people who don’t need your protection. No offense.”

“None taken,” Crowley nodded absently.

“Well, he already woke up and I’m not in danger, am I?” Aziraphale counterattacked.

“You could have been, Sunshine! You have no way of knowing—”

“Uh, to be fair, I’m on suppressants,” Crowley interfered. “So, even if I went on an early rut—”

“See?” Aziraphale said. “We were alright, nothing terrible happened, and—”

Gabriel completely ignored him.

“Mr. Crowley, I am so sorry, Aziraphale is far too emotional right now. He’s actually going through a very radical treatment, so being in the same space with a strange alpha probably—”

Crowley didn’t seem to believe it for an instant, looking at Aziraphale for confirmation. When Gabriel guided him to the door, he still appeared to be reluctant. Aziraphale sat on the couch, right where he had been, and heard the door close.

“Now I want you to truly go to your room and pray this didn’t fuck up everything we had achieved,” Gabriel ordered through closed teeth. “Meanwhile, I’ll call Sandalphon to report this… situation, and see if you require another check.”

“But—”

“You should have thought about that before you did all this. And you’ll never know how it hurts me to see you hurt yourself, but…”

He didn’t finish the sentence. He just shrugged and walked away, taking the documents with him and leaving Aziraphale feeling miserable and intrigued.

* * *

Crowley collapsed on the couch in the reception, face down. Newton, who was carefully typing codes on the computer, stopped to see if he was alright.

“Never been better,” he replied into the cushion.

Newton kept typing, and then stopped again.

“Did you come to see Anathema?”

“Yup.”

A few more seconds of typing.

“Do you want me to call her?”

“Would be a nice touch.”

Then the lights went off —which occasionally meant Newton’s work was done— and ten minutes later, Crowley was falling in something that resembled a sitting position, this time on a chair in his friend’s office.

“It didn’t go right with your client?” Anathema guessed.

“Didn’t even get to explain. His brother is a bloody helicopter and wouldn’t even let me talk to him.”

“Told you he would probably have an alpha dealing with this for him. Be grateful he didn’t hurt you.”

“Ngh, the brother was alright, I guess. I mean, pretty standard alpha stuff, not something I’d have to talk about with you.”

Anathema looked up from the books over her desk, fixing her glasses.

“So… what did you have to talk about with me?”

Crowley thought it over. He didn’t even know how to bring it up.

“Well, you do a lot of research, so… One quick question.” The question proved to be not so quick, since he had to rephrase it in his mind several times before hesitantly saying it out loud. “Is it possible for an omega to feel… for another omega?”

Anathema stared at him for a second as she didn’t fully understand.

“Of course. Chemistry and biology are one thing, but feelings are far more—”

“No, no, I mean _feel_.”

She blinked and looked at her books instinctively, as if they hid a secret answer.

“Oh, that’s… That’s technically impossible.”

* * *

“I think we’re making progress. I think we’re finally making progress,” Gabriel whispered against his phone, earning Sandalphon’s tired sigh.

“We already had this—”

“No, I really think we’re really going somewhere now.”

“What happened this time?”

“He reacted to an alpha.”

“What?”

“Yes, I know it’s not the ideal situation to let him… interact with other alphas. But it was beyond my control and—”

“You know you’re supposed to keep every single detail under control.”

“He just showed up. He showed up when we had an alpha over and… I could see it. He reacted. It was written all over his face and… and the alpha felt it, too. He even passed out.”

“Passed out?”

“As alphas do when they’re almost in rut and see unmarked omegas. It’s dangerous, it’s irresponsible, but it happened, and—”

“Are you sure it was an alpha?”

“Oh, come on, he’s a lawyer. Of course he was an alpha.”

Sandalphon didn’t say anything and Gabriel groaned.

“Can’t you be at least a bit enthusiastic?”

“I’m not very enthusiastic about playing God, as I’m sure you know at this point.”

“Really?”

He could almost see the man roll his eyes at the implicit accusation.

“You still should keep him away from him. It could mean a step in the right direction, but—”

“Don’t worry, I already sent that leech his way. Aziraphale is not seeing him again.”

“Well, I hope you’re right. For his own good… and yours.”

Even after hanging up, even with a smile still on his face, Gabriel felt his guts clenching at the reality he could deny to Aziraphale and Sandalphon, but not to himself.

Something was off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: some rape references, nothing too graphic and not against named characters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, that was fast. 3:37 am here. Not supposed to be awake. My mom will call me out on my bullshit, so here's the chapter, as fast as I could post it here. Hope you enjoy!

“What’s on your mind, sunshine?” Gabriel asked, eyes fixed on his newspaper. “Your breakfast doesn’t usually last more than ten minutes and… Well, if you want to lose the gut, I support you, but—”

Aziraphale jumped a bit.

“Oh, no, that’s not it. I’m… fairly okay with my current weight.” Gabriel’s mouth twisted in a ‘can’t help you’ gesture at this. “It’s just… I can’t stop thinking about what happened yesterday with… with the lawyer.”

He pronounced ‘lawyer’ as if it was a dirty word, and judging by his brother’s expression, it very well could have been.

Gabriel shook his head, giving him that grin that made him feel like the stupidest being alive.

“It’s everyday stuff with alphas. Trust me, I see it all the time. You should be grateful he just passed out and didn’t try to… attack you or something.”

Aziraphale nodded thoughtfully.

“But you’re not like that. I’ve never seen you pass out or attack anyone.”

“It’s different with me, sunshine. I’m medically trained and take my suppressants when they’re needed. Most alphas don’t have that kind of self-control.”

Aziraphale gave his breakfast a bite, cutting the next piece before he could even swallow. No state of confusion could keep him away from his food for too long.

“One would think lawyers were required to have some self-control,” he commented under his breath.

“Omegas rarely go to trial or speak to lawyers directly, so they don’t have to. And that’s exactly why—”

“I know.”

“Do you? Do you really?” His tone was no longer kind. He was reprimanding him.

Aziraphale chose to pay him no mind. Not that he didn’t respect him, but there worries in his mind that felt far more important than pleasing him.

“What disoriented me the most, to be quite frank, is… Can I tell you this?”

Gabriel dropped any parental figure act he was trying to pull out and looked at him, serious and open to listen.

“Of course. You can tell me anything.”

It still seemed wrong, though. Something about sharing this with Gabriel felt like a violation to his own privacy, to the sanctuary that was his mind and heart. Gabriel and Sandalphon could control every aspect of his life, but not his thoughts and feelings. Those belonged to him.

In addition, he wasn’t sure it wouldn’t make both of them uncomfortable. Although sexuality was an obvious main character in everything that troubled him, and part of his development should lead towards some kind of verdict about it —even if it meant he didn’t have one—, commenting on it with Gabriel felt out of place.

Oh, but Gabriel would be so happy that he was actually progressing. What he felt around Crowley had to be a good sign, even if it scared him at the moment. And they had worked so hard to get here…

“I suppose I can,” he admitted, still unsure. “As I was telling you, the thing that I found more confused was… I could smell him.”

Gabriel stopped for a second, and during that second, Aziraphale thought they both would start crying. This was so great. After years of fighting against the invisible evil that kept him from being normal, after weekly injections and tons of pills, they were finally getting somewhere.

He was certain Gabriel would hold him to his chest and say he was proud. Then he would call Sandalphon and they’d conclude they could reduce his medication, stop it completely, call it a day. He could almost feel the sunlight on his skin, the grass under his shoes, the glances and ‘hello’s of people who weren’t doctors as he walked by them.

Then Gabriel snorted.

“You already could do that.”

Aziraphale’s heart shattered before he realized. It was clear: after decades of disappointment, the poor man was reluctant to believe any good new. He only had to make sure he understood.

“No, I mean… I _smelt_ him. I noticed his scent like I’m supposed to. I…”

Gabriel frowned.

“You what?”

Aziraphale’s voice grew quiet, barely above a whisper as his cheeks lighted up.

“I liked it.”

Something obscure and unexplainable crossed Gabriel’s face. Nothing more than a shade, like the ones fish made on the surface as they swam into the blackness of the ocean. Still, Aziraphale noticed and when the hope of a celebration ceased, he started wondering if Gabriel was happy at all.

“What did it smell like?”

His blush deepened and his gaze lowered.

“Oh, it was… It was very nice. Like old books and pastries. Didn’t you…?”

Gabriel threw his fork over the plate and cleaned his mouth with a tissue.

“That makes no sense,” he decided, abandoning the newspaper next to his steaming mug. “And of course I couldn’t smell it. I’m an alpha.”

There was a nervous undertone to his words, but he stood up before Aziraphale could decipher it.

“This must be good, isn’t it?” he insisted, unable to hold back his joy despite his apprehension. “This is the first alpha that gets this kind of reaction from me.”

“This is the first alpha you’ve seen in a very long time,” Gabriel reminded him, fixing his tie.

“Yes, and I reacted properly! Besides, how am I supposed to get better if I’m never allowed around alphas?”

“Through treatment and patience, that’s how.”

He walked out the kitchen and Aziraphale followed him into the living room.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t have a normal life and see other people. I made more progress around that stranger for five minutes than I’ve made in years of pills and injections and…”

“And he could have raped you!” Gabriel exploded, turning back to him. He looked on the verge of tears. “Haven’t you heard enough? Haven’t I told you enough? About that poor girl who came into the guard one night—”

Aziraphale took a step back, arms around himself.

“It’s not necessary…”

“Or the old lady! She was almost eighty, Aziraphale, and that didn’t stop an irrational alpha from—”

“I’m sure it was a rare case…”

“And that man once. He was your age, he was also a late bloomer, and then it happened on the street and—”

“Well, but it didn’t happen this time. Mr. Crowley didn’t rape me, he didn’t even try to… He acted like he was scared of me.”

“You said it yourself: he acted. It could have been an act. Or he could have controlled himself ’cause he knew I was there. You can’t—”

“If he controlled himself because you were here, he certainly can control himself around you. So you can ask him to return and tell me what he wanted to tell me.”

His voice became more serious, almost threatening, and Gabriel clearly perceived it like that, too. His eyebrows raised and his jaw was aching to fall as well, but he didn’t break. It was alright. Aziraphale didn’t want him to break; he wanted him to listen.

“I know he came for me, not you. And I want to know what it’s all about.”

Gabriel blinked and cleared his throat. When he spoke, he seemed to chew every word, spitting on his face.

“Nothing an omega who wants to stay safe should worry about.”

His expression softened once he saw Aziraphale’s lips were convulsing, fighting the impulse to cry.

“I’ll take care of it, sunshine. Like I take care of everything. Like I take care of you. Don’t worry.”

Aziraphale closed his eyes, nodded and opened them again.

“Just tell me… was it about mother?”

All love vanished from Gabriel’s eyes. There it was again. That dark, unnameable something.

“Don’t call her mother.” The words were aggressive, but his tone wasn’t. It sounded more like it pained him to say it, like he actually meant ‘please don’t keep hurting yourself over this.’ “She was my mother and… We don’t know. She might have put you back on the streets once you came of age. Nothing would have stopped her from doing that… except me, of course. I would have done everything in my power to—”

“She wouldn’t do that,” Aziraphale said, decided but not as cold as he wanted to appear. “And she wouldn’t have forced me to spend the rest of my life here, either. She always said she wanted us free and—”

“And alive, don’t obviate that part.” He shook his head softly. “I see what people like Anthony J. Crowley do to unmated omegas all the time, and if you think that’s a price worth paying for freedom… go ahead, walk out that door, I won’t stop you. But don’t do it on my mother’s behalf.”

He walked towards the exit, putting his coat on. He looked back at Aziraphale before leaving.

“She didn’t say she wanted me to look after you… yet here I am. ’Cause I love you.”

Aziraphale gulped.

“She never said she loved you, did her?”

And Gabriel left him alone, standing on the living room where he was supposed to be till the day he died.

Because Miss Fell and her son wanted him alive.

* * *

“That man didn’t smell like books and pastries,” Gabriel said dismissively, taking another sip from his coffee. “I’ll tell you that.”

“Yes, you already told me that… several times,” Sandalphon nodded.

“Doesn’t even make sense. Alphas don’t smell like books and pastries… we smell like…” He gave a short sniff to his own armpit. “Soap and… paperwork.”

“Sounds irresistible,” the beta replied, both hands on the table, no expression on his face. “I know you don’t want me to say it, but—”

“Ugh, I really don’t want you to say it.”

“It could be good, it could be good. See, we both know this happens sometimes. Alpha and omega meet and their pheromones, their hormones, their _everything_ matches just—”

“Are we seriously talking about soul mates and destiny nonsense right now?”

“It’s not destiny, it’s science. Chemistry, if you want to be specific. Every once in a while, an alpha and an omega are so physiologically perfect for each other their bodies do this thing. And even if you don’t notice, even if they don’t smell like that at all, their scents change into what attracts them the most. As if they knew each other before meeting. It’s—”

“It’s a theory. It hasn’t been proven yet.”

“Didn’t you say this bloke didn’t smell like books and pastries at all? What did he smell like?”

Gabriel twisted his mouth.

“Fear…”

“Fear?”

“Maybe he sensed my energy, or something. He smelt terrified the whole time.”

“And Aziraphale didn’t sense that fear?”

“Didn’t ask him. He only mentioned books and food. Like he always does…”

“More to support my theory, then. He just perceived the pleasant stimulus.”

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed.

“Why are you telling me all this now? Wasn’t Aziraphale the most unalterable alpha just a few days ago?”

“Well, that’s what we thought.” He shrugged. “Things might be changing now.”

The taller man grunted.

“Shouldn’t you be happy? This is what you wanted. This is what we’ve been risking our careers over for years. Aren’t you glad it’s finally—”

“No, because it is not happening,” Gabriel said through tightly closed teeth, standing up from his chair. “There’s no such thing as soul mates or chemical mates or whatever, and if there were, I can assure you some fucking random lawyer isn’t Aziraphale’s.”

He took his tray and threw it inside the garbage can, walking out the hospital’s cafeteria with clinched fists.

* * *

Aziraphale had never entered Gabriel’s room, not even as a child. It always felt like a forbidden place, a temple not to be perturbed, just like his mother’s —Miss Fell’s, he corrected in his mind—. As a consequence, being there was almost like breaking the law or visiting a haunted house.

The curtains were closed and the smell was unquestionably Gabriel. The smelt that always made him a bit uncomfortable, as unjustified and awful as that sounded. He almost didn’t turn the lights on, scared that his brother might notice his scent on the switch. But he had to be brave. This was something he couldn’t do in the dark.

With bright white light on everything, the expedition could begin. He first looked on the bedside table, reaching inside the drawer with extreme care. It was full of suppressants boxes, he found. Far more than any alpha would have. He couldn’t help but smile a little at this. Gabriel was in fact so careful around him.

The desk was his second option, for he didn’t expect Gabriel to hide something in such an obvious place. Even though it was exceptionally well-organized, finding what he was looking for took him several minutes. After all, if there was something a medical doctor had was forms. At least that was what Gabriel made it seem like.

Finally, there it was. His eyes travelled over the sentences at the speed of light. He understood some legalese from all the books he read, but the document proved to be a bit confusing. No wonder people needed lawyers to explain these things for them.

By the time he reached the end, everything was clear. A lost clause on Miss Fell’s will. His jaw was almost on the floor.

He had vague memories of her mentioning a bookshop when he was younger. They weren’t clear, but he remained curious about it even when his delayed presentation took the first place on his list of worries. So this was what it was all about…

She did say she wanted him to be free, no matter how Gabriel focused on denying it. It made perfect sense she decided to leave a business he could do a living from once her family didn’t have an obligation with him anymore. And oh, what a business it was.

Dreams of having his own bookshop someday weren’t new for Aziraphale. In fact, that was the kind of life he had wished for himself ever since he read his very first book. But with his health problems and his absolute inability to safely live in a society, he came to accept that this dream would never come true.

Now it was. There was a bookshop with his name on it and Miss Fell wanted him to have it. His eyes watered at the thought.

He still couldn’t blame Gabriel for not telling him, though. As scared as he was of him even speaking to a stranger, he couldn’t deal with him receiving costumers on a daily basis. It was another attempt to protect him, just like the extra suppressants. Just like keeping him away from…

From the pages of the document fell a card. ‘Anthony J. Crowley, lawyer,’ it read, and at the bottom of it was a phone number, with a golden logo that reflected the light in the shape of an apple.

Aziraphale caressed the surname and breathed in, as if the scent that blended into his dreams the night before was dancing under his nostrils again. Pastries and old books. He really liked books. He really wanted a bookshop.

Without even thinking about it, he took a pen and signed on the line at the end of the document, his heart beating fast. He grabbed the pages and the card as well as he could and rushed out the room, making sure everything was like he had found it, except for one thing.

He landed on the couch, right where the lawyer was sitting twenty-two hours ago, and pulled the phone out of its base in a violent move. His breath was heavy as he pressed the buttons and waited for an answer.

“Yeah?”

_That voice…_

“Um…” Aziraphale cleared his throat, trying to put himself together. “Hello.”

A sudden noise. Wheels screeching, horns and swearing in the distance.

“Oh, no, are you okay?”

“Yeah, ngh, just fine, there—”

“You’re not driving, are you?”

“Ghngk, of course not, of course not. I… Some idiot almost ran me over, it’s alright.”

“Oh, well… you should be more careful while walking down the street.” Another cough. “I haven’t told you who I am. Aziraphale, remember? You came to my flat yesterday and—?”

“I remember. Ngh, yes, barely a blur, but… it’s definitely there. Sorry, not really in lawyer mode. Care to call again, say, in an hour or two?”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible, dear. See, I wanted to, first of all, apologize for what happened. Gabriel can be rather… overprotective and—”

“Yeah, I could see that.”

“He’s just very careful with me. Because we’re all we have, you know? We’ve been together for the longest time and—”

“Wait, together? I thought he was your… adoptive mother’s son?”

“Oh, yes, I meant as brothers. He has always been very defensive and… I suppose it’s an alpha thing, isn’t it?”

Silence.

“Isn’t it?”

“Ngk, yes, yes, definitely. Alphas will be alphas, right?”

“I guess.”

“We’re not so bad when you get used to it.”

Aziraphale nodded silently for an instant, before he realized Crowley couldn’t see him.

“I certainly hope so.”

Crowley snorted.

“Ngh?”

“Because I’m… hiring you, Crowley. I need your help to get my… my bookshop?”

More silence.

“Right, so… he told you.”

“Oh, no, he didn’t told me. I had to… read it by myself.”

“You mean he doesn’t know about this?”

“Yet. I’m planning on telling him sooner or later. I just… I know he won’t trust me on this. He doesn’t want me to have a job or see strangers, because he’s worried it might… You don’t want to know.”

“You can tell me if you want to.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Alright, then. So he’s a control freak.”

“He is no such thing! He’s… a very controlled alpha.”

“Right. And you don’t want him to know you’re taking the bookshop.”

“Just for now.”

“Just for now.”

“Just until I’m ready to tell him.”

“You don’t have to convince me, angel.”

Aziraphale stopped his next justification.

“Did you just call me angel?”

More tires noises. Crowley was truly an awful pedestrian.

“No, no, no, I said… angle! There’s a lot of angles this can be looked at from.”

“And is there an angle from where you can help me?”

Crowley seemed to think it over.

“You’d have to sign the thing, for starters.”

“I already signed it.”

“Oh-ho-ho, so you weren’t asking for legal advice.”

“Not really. I was hoping you could… drive me there sometime?”

“It’s not too far from your place, if you ask me.”

“Yes, I know… I figured, but I… I don’t go out too often and I’m afraid I might get lost. Do you own a car?”

“You could say so, yeah.”

Aziraphale frowned.

“But you’re walking now.”

“Haven’t you heard about climate change, angel? It’s on! The oceans will start boiling in a matter of years and you’ll be worried about my transport habits instead of the poor… dolphins. Did I call you angel again?”

“You did.”

Crowley sighed.

“When do you want me to pick you up?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I take too long? True. Is this a good chapter? No. Will it be worth your while? Probably no. But it's written and that's more than I expected. Sorry for the delay. Genuinely didn't know if I wanted to continue this story. Don't expect a lot of updates. I do appreciate your lovely comments, tho <3

That night, while searching for Aziraphale’s daily dose of suppressants, Gabriel noticed a change in his room. Something strange, hard to catch and follow, but that made him feel unmistakeably invaded. He even had to take a deep breath before coming out, to prevent his blood from boiling till evaporation.

He couldn’t scare Aziraphale. Not after what happened in the morning. His emotional reaction during breakfast could have cost him everything and he forbid himself from forgetting it. The calm in his home was starting to shake, and the smallest miscalculation could shatter it completely. He wouldn’t allowed it. They had come so far.

Maybe it was his own anger and insecurity what filled his territory with such energy. Maybe the lawyer’s scent had done more damage than he though, still impregnated on the whole house.

_He didn’t smell like old books and pastries…_

Sandalphon’s words kept running through his mind. But no, it was not possible. Bodies didn’t just decide to attract each other with chemical changes or alterations in the smell sense. And even if they did, Aziraphale’s instinct shouldn’t be aimed at someone he had just met. Not after decades of Gabriel looking after him, protecting him from everything, even from himself.

Shaking his head in awe at his own suggestion —worrying so much about some guy Aziraphale wouldn’t see again in his life was ridiculous even if he was as paranoic as he was behaving—, he thought he might as well get rid of the “lost clause” right then. God knew he didn’t want that in his flat for much longer.

He looked at the place where he had put it —not too hidden, since Aziraphale would rather die than violate his privacy— and found it gone. His heartbeat seemed to gasp at the disappearance, but when he looked at the wastepaper basket and noticed it was full, he assumed he must had gotten rid of it last night.

With his nervous state ever since that man put a foot on his home, everything was possible.

 _Aziraphale will be okay_ , he said in his head, forcing himself to believe it. _You both will be okay._

* * *

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Anathema asked, far too serious for what a silly question it was. “Or is going to jail your only plan?”

“Pfft,” Crowley snorted. “You’re exaggerating.”

“Exaggerating? You said he made you pass out! You said you couldn’t even touch him.”

“Right, and I learned my lesson, I won’t let him touch me again.”

Anathema sighed, rubbing her temples.

“Why would you put yourself in this situation at all?”

“Because,” he said, “I have every reason to believe he didn’t cause the fainting. It was… his brother, probably.”

“But it didn’t happen when it was just his brother and you. It happened when he showed up.”

“Oh, come on, my hormones have been doing the hula-hula for almost a week now. They’re all over the place. That… that flat definitely smelt like an alpha and they got it all wrong. I was so convinced it’d be just me and him that I didn’t prepare to—”

“Okay, Law School, stop, I get it. Please stop.”

“Well, is there any other explanation? Did you find any other explanation?”

“I… I’ve been researching.”

“Alright, so you didn’t. There is no other explanation.”

“How is there not being another explanation a solid reason to put yourself at risk by—”

“By taking an omega from point A to point B. That’s all I have to do. I take him to the place, show him the place, take him back home and that’s it. Two omegas in a five-minute car ride in bloody Soho. How could that go so wrong?”

“You almost hit two pedestrians while talking with him… on the phone!”

“I’m always about to hit pedestrians while I’m on my phone, what about it?”

Anathema palmed her face, almost forgetting about her glasses.

“Look, book girl, I know you don’t agree with it, but this is literally my best option. I can’t show up at court like this. You know I’m losing it. Being around other omegas is the safest thing I can do at this moment.”

“But why does it have to be him? You’ve met so many omegas who didn’t have any effect on you, why would you go to this particular one?”

Crowley stood up from his chair.

“Because he needs my help.” Anathema gave him a look. “I-I mean, he needs me to… Do this thing for him. And, who knows, maybe he’s paying. He’s got a business now, don’t forget.”

She sighed again, unconvinced.

“I still don’t understand why he can’t get there on his own.”

“Ngh, brothery issues or something. That Gabriel bloke won’t let him leave the damn house.”

“That sounds awful.”

“It is. No wonder he always smells like a stressed vintage car in perfect conditions or something.”

“What?”

“What?”

* * *

Aziraphale couldn’t stop walking. Gabriel liked to joke about how he’d lose so much gut if he got nervous more often, due to his tendency to such behaviour. Just a minute to the time Crowley would arrive and he had spent the last hour digging a ditch on the carpet.

He had to relax. He had to. If he got too distressed, Gabriel would be able to smell it all over the place when he came home and realize that something was wrong. Alphas especially had that kind of power and most of them used it for disingenuous purposes. Crowley could do the exact same thing if he notices his anxiety.

The thought alone didn’t make any sense and he wasn’t sure why. But he was still an alpha. He still meant danger.

The bell rang and Aziraphale jumped, rushing to the door without more contemplation. Could an alpha’s influence work if they weren’t even in the same building?

He practically floated over half the stairs when he suddenly remembered… he didn’t have any keys. He never needed them.

_Oh, no, what am I going to do…_

“Mr. Fell?” A feminine voice raised above his head, in the distance.

Aziraphale turned around and almost fainted again when he saw the reason of one of his latest health dramas standing at her own door, smiling like the shiest of ladies. Seeing her like that almost made it seem like their friendship would be harmless. But he had to focus on what was better for him and right now, he had something urgent to do and she could help him.

“Uh… Yes, hello, how are you, dear?”

Madame Tracy grinned in that understanding and sort of vaguely sensual way, leaning against the doorframe.

“Well, I should be the one asking that question,” she replied. “You didn’t feel very well the last time we talked.”

“Oh, you’re right. I—”

“I actually tried to see you, see if you needed anything, if you were feeling better, but that nice gentleman, your brother… he wouldn’t allow me.”

Aziraphale’s chest sank. Years had taught him to overcome the shame that Gabriel’s attitude towards strangers surrounding him brought. He just tried to protect him. However, the itch to apologize still reappeared sometimes.

“I am very sorry about that, but right now… I’m afraid I need your help. I don’t go out too often, so I don’t have any keys and I really need to…”

Before even finishing the sentence, she threw her own keys at him. Although he struggled to catch them, he certainly appreciated that she would keep the distance to protect him from another episode.

“Thank you, dear.”

“You’re welcome.”

The doorbell rang again and he continued his race, not without stopping once more to ask her one last favour.

“Another thing. Could you please not tell my…”

“My lips are sealed, darling.”

This time, he smiled, too.

* * *

Crowley totally had this… until Aziraphale showed up. He even rushed back to his car like adults do after pressing the button for a second time, not at all in fear that his new client had regretted their arrangement. For Someone’s sake, he flooded the Bentley with the strongest air freshener he found. He prepared for this meeting like he would for any trial.

And then came Aziraphale, adorably waddling down the street with his papers and terrified face. He knocked on the window, as if Crowley could have not seen him, as if Crowley hadn’t been obsessed with this moment since they agreed on it.

“Oi,” Crowley nodded at him, casual, opening the door.

Aziraphale sat on the passenger seat in such a short time neither of them seemed to process it.

“Um, hello,” he said, in a tone that was both pleasant and tense.

That was when it hit them. The wave of scent raised and mixed with the one that was already in the car, and there was no air freshener strong enough to help it.

“Alright, let’s get going,” Crowley announced, starting the engine.

The Bentley advanced five feet before stopping.

“Ngk, we’re not that far, wanna walk?”

“Sounds right to me,” Aziraphale conceded, eyes on the road even though he wasn’t the one driving.

Out in the open, free from the unexplainable curse of their crashing instincts, Crowley took a deep breath, and he could swear he heard Aziraphale sighing in relief.

“Such a nice day. Makes no sense to spend it inside a car,” he decided, walking as fast as he could.

“Absolutely, my dear. Absolutely.” Aziraphale fixed his bowtie and followed him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They visit the bookshop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, despite my best judgement. Just a little chapter to warm up those plotty A/B/O muscles again. Many of you don't know this, but my family is struggling. We're about to get evicted and we just found a place to live, although it's going to need a lot of fixes to be a good home. The pain is unberable. I love my current house more than anything and I have so many memories here. To go from that to a place that isn't even finished... I know it'll eventually be for the better, but it hurts. Today both my dad and I had panic attacks when my mom (the only sane person here) was out grocery shopping. This is a nightmare I can't wait to wake up from.
> 
> So yeah, I need all the emotional support I can get. And this fic is well-liked. I really need the exposure of my Twitter (datcheesycake). That's why I'm back, although I'm not that invested in this story anymore. I hope it doesn't show in the finished product and please find me on Twitter. Love you!

At first he didn’t want to recognize it as  _ the place _ . Not because it wasn’t lovely ―it actually was more than he would have ever dared to wish for―, but because the reality of it, the fact he could see it and touch it and plant his foot in it, was too overwhelming. Having it all be an elaborate lie would have made it easier to process. Crowley would show his true colours like the alpha he was, Aziraphale would manage to escape in one piece and, once he came home, Gabriel would be the same protective figure to comfort him after such a traumatic experience.

But no, it was all real. And as they walked closer to the building and the dusty letters on its sign became more and more readable, Aziraphale felt invaded by an emotion he hadn’t experienced in a very long time. There was a big chance he might have never experienced it at all.

  1. _Z. Fell & Co._



That was it. Her last gift to him, with his name on it, in case there was room for doubt. He froze in his place, not even noticing how Crowley walked to the door and opened it, the rusty ‘ding’ of the bell barely enough to wake him up.

“Wanna come in or…?”

Aziraphale blinked a few times and then nodded.

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry. I must have…” His eyes gave the sign one last stare. “I’m sorry. Please lead the way.”

Crowley didn’t seem to judge his reluctance, shrugging casually and guiding him into the shop.

“It’s going to be a bit dark. You don’t have power or water yet, but―”

“Oh, do you think you could take care of that?” Aziraphale asked with a smile that reached the corners of his eyes, hopeful and nervous while the door closed behind him. “Or help me? I don’t know who am I supposed to call, where I’m supposed to…” he trailed off, suddenly realizing he was talking too much.

Gabriel always said that regular alphas ―the bad ones― hated a lot of unreasonable things, but constant talking was the one they hated the most. Although Crowley appeared to be trustworthy, he didn’t wish to risk it, especially when they were all alone.

“You never do this stuff yourself, do you?” The alpha frowned, no malice in his tone, just worry.

“I’ve always let these things in Gabriel’s hands. Since it’s dangerous for…”

No. He couldn’t tell him that. He couldn’t let him know how vulnerable he was. It would be too tempting, even for the best-behaved of alphas. Instincts didn’t have rules nor logic.

“Look, here…” Crowley turned the flashlight of his phone on.

Aziraphale’s mouth hung open as he drank in the view of his new shop, small portions of it illuminated enough to get a good picture of the room. The scent of moisture in the air was strong and he could only imagine the state some of the poor books in the shelves would be, but despite all the flaws time and negligence had put into the business, it was his. How could he care about anything else?

“Open the curtains,” he suggested, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Ngk, yes,” Crowley replied in a snap of the fingers, rushing to do as he was told.

Aziraphale wondered if alphas were usually this obliging and smiled to himself once he heard how Crowley grunted ‘what are you doing?’ in the most frustrated tone he had ever heard. That was when a terrible possibility came to his mind.

What if Crowley really was trying to deceive him into trusting him so he could take advantage of him? Gabriel warned him something like that wasn’t beyond an alpha’s abilities and he didn’t listen. Instead, he walked right into a closed environment with a man ―an alpha― he just had met.

However, that was also strange. If Crowley’s intentions were ill, he could have gotten his way several minutes ago. They were all alone for such a long while! And what about prefering to walk instead of taking him there in his car, perfectly capable of driving to a secluded location and get whatever he was after? It didn’t add up. Aziraphale even was the one to reach out to him, not the other way around.

“Alright, so… how do you like it?” Crowley questioned once the last curtain was opened and the sunlight entered through the windows.

Aziraphale went speechless right then. He could no longer think about all the depraved things a dangerous alpha could do to him or how reckless he had been to get into this situation. He went as far as telling himself that if Crowley was in fact evil, he would be happy to die there, in his bookshop with his name on it.

“It’s… it’s beautiful…”

“Um, right, I’m glad you like it. I should probably, ngh, get… get going, shouldn’t I?”

Aziraphale looked at him with a surprised expression that was on the verge of hurt.

“You do have to leave now?”

Crowley twisted his mouth and made a series of movements Aziraphale couldn’t describe if required. More unintelligible noises.

“Not that I  _ have _ to, but I should. I… I have things to do.”

“You said you didn’t have to―”

“I didn’t want to come off as rude, angel― eh, I mean, Aziraphale, right? I didn’t want… that. But I do have to be somewhere else like, right now.”

“Oh… who’s going to take me home, then?”

“I’m sure you’ll remember the way back once you’re out.” He was already walking to the door.

The omega hadn’t moved.

“I honestly don’t think I do.”

Crowley seemed conflicted for a moment.

“Ugh, alright, alright, I’ll walk you home. Just… quickly. And you’ll have to remember how to get here on your own next time.”

“Of course, dear, of course!” he exclaimed, excited. “Thank you!”

“Yes, well, you’re my client, after all. Shall we?”

Crowley exited the bookshop and Aziraphale went right behind him, giving everything a last glance before the door was shut again. He’d have a lot of cleaning to do and had no idea how to activate the basic services, but he would work it out.

What was the point? he wondered as the fresh air hit his face. Was he honestly planning to run a business without Gabriel finding out? Maybe he could do it secretly for a couple months and, once he had enough proof that he was responsible enough and was doing fine, he’d be in conditions to let his brother know. They’d laugh all treason off, sitting comfortably in the shadow of his success, and he would have shown how leaving the house wasn’t as dangerous as he thought.

Yes, that was exactly what he would do. But first he had to activate the basic services and clean, and learn some things about business management that just hadn’t gotten the chance to study before, safe in their flat, not having to worry about anything. And even before that, he had to make it home today. It should be easy. He had a harmless alpha with him.

“I do mean it, dear,” he insisted as they crossed the street. “Thank you for… everything.”

Crowley didn’t even look at him, nose wrinkling.

“It’s fine.”

He might not understand, just how much Aziraphale appreciated his support, but that day… he saved him. And Aziraphale knew there would be a day when he returned the favour.


End file.
